Dear Fake Celebrity Couples - Stop It!

Fake celebrity relationships are nothing new, but there have been a couple of celeb hookups recently that have made me think "What the actual fark?"

The first one was Zac Efron and Michelle Rodriguez. They were spotted in Ibiza making out like teenagers. Michelle was macking on Cara Delevingne only months ago. The interesting thing about this one is that it isn't a set-up by a Hollywood PR team, it's just two crazy kids looking for attention. Working as Zac Efron's publicist must be exhausting enough with all of his rehab stints, brushes with the law and accidents (breaking his jaw after slipping in a puddle *ahem*) and now this. Bottom line - not buying it.

The second head-scratcher was Joe Manganiello and Sofia Vergara. What the what? This one is more traditional. Sofia's ex-fiance was a douche bag and instead of the media focusing on their messy split, they're now talking about her "hot new romance." Well played, PR team. They both are repped by the same agency, so it's a win-win for everyone.

The other romance that everyone's been talking about is George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin. Maybe I'm a cynic, but I find it hard to believe that George finally met his match and that they're rushing to the altar because they're madly in love.

There are generally four types of FCR's (Fake Celebrity Relationships).

The Business Arrangement: It's all about building and strengthening your brand. We're looking at you Jay-Z and Beyonce. And who can forget the two biggest fame whores on the planet. Kim and Kanye = Ka-ching.

The Beard: (Please note all of these relationships are ALLEGEDLY beard-y) John Travolta and Kelly Preston. George Clooney and Amal. Suki Waterhouse and Bradley Cooper. Ryan Seacrest and anyone. Jake Gyllenhaal and anyone. I don't know cause I'm not in their bedrooms and technically it's none of my bid-ness. I'm just sayin'...

The Showmance: Sometimes you have a project to promote. Say for instance there's a movie (Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughan, Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens). Or a TV show (Lea Michele and Cory Monteith). Anyone on Big Brother.

The Grey Area: I also believe there's a category were there are some blurred lines. Take Tom and Katie. I have no doubt Kate was rapt when she was cast as the new Mrs. Cruise. The same goes for Nicole. And then things went pear-shaped and she was kicked to the curb. Sometimes a girl just needs to raise her profile (anyone remember Delta Goodrem and Joe Jonas?)

Social media has changed everything. Celebs are over-sharing and Tweeting and Instagramming constantly. But it's also made everyone a little more savvy. Gone are the days when the public could be spoon fed celebrity news, "Stars they're just like us!" At least in a fake romance we can find out who the good actors are by how convincingly they play the part.

Celebrity Designer Diet - Plankton Drops!

I'm a sucker for a celebrity diet. De-toxing, juicing, cleansing. I love it all. And if Gwyneth has done it, then I'm totally on board. I just read an interview for one of those "what I eat during the day" features and it even made me, who's willing to try anything, stop and say what. the. actual. f*ck.

I first discovered Kelly Wearstler on Top Design a few years ago, a reality show hosted by English model and designer India Hicks (who, incidentally, has my dream life in the Caribbean). Kelly was one of the judges and ridiculously glamourous.

She recently did an interview with bon appetit magazine where she talked about her daily food intake. Let's take a little look-see:

Breakfast: I go to Barry’s Bootcamp at 5:30 a.m., seven days a week. It’s me and a bunch of Hollywood hot-shots. I drink water mixed with Miracle Reds or Miracle Greens, with drops of plankton. Later in the day, I drink water with lemon, and alkaline water with cayenne extract.

Lunch: By noon, I get a kale, spinach, lemon, ginger, and E3Live juice.

BA: What about real, solid food?

KW: Besides almonds or granola, I don’t eat a lot during the day–juicing is what gives me energy.

And people thought Pete Evans and his activated almonds were extreme. (For the record I think Paleo Pete is spot-on with his nutritional advice and ahead of the curve.)

Kelly does admit to eating whole-wheat pizza every Friday. What?! Wheat? Carbs? CHEESE?? She doesn't confirm whether or not she actually digests it. 

Kells has also launched a line of designer sunglasses for US$555 under the name of Anorexxxy. Of course she has. 

And then there's the last line of the interview where she reveals that she only sleeps in a Cosabella thong and when she takes off her robe and her husband expresses interest in having sex she says, "Sorrrry!" 

What's the point of working out seven days a week to have a banging body and then not, um, bang? Poor bastard.

Anyhoo, not my problem. Please excuse me, while I go investigate where I can purchase plankton drops.

Meeting Markus Zusak - The Book Thief

I normally wouldn't read something like The Book Thief, but Markus Zusak and I share the same literary agent and she mentioned him to me during a meeting. I wanted to be in the loop, so, like everyone else on the planet, I picked up a copy of his book.

As Markus himself says, "It's set in war time Germany, it's narrated by Death, almost everybody dies, and it's 580 pages - you'll love it."

At times I've felt like Death has been narrating MY life after losing my mom, dad, a close friend, three out of four grandparents, having had a miscarriage and losing my beloved dog.

But I loved the book and powered through it in a few days. I was thrilled to get the chance to meet Markus in person recently. Markus is a friend of a friend and I was invited to a special screening/booksigning.

The place was packed, so I didn't get as much quality time as I would have liked. I had to make every minute count. When I was "presented" to him my opening line was an enthusiastic, "I'm an author as well!"

I saw a look of terror ever-so-briefly cross his face. I'm sure he gets this all the time from writer groupies and hangers on. I'm sure he was waiting for me to pull out my manuscript and ask him if he could help me get published. I had to do damage control - stat.

"We have the same agent!" I said hopefully.

His face relaxed. I wasn't a nutter after all. We had a lovely conversation and he posed for a happy snap.

As someone who has written both a novel and adapted it as a screenplay, I thought it was interesting that he didn't write the film version of his book. To me that would be like having a surrogate carry your child. Sure, I'd do it as a last resort, but ideally I would want to carry my own baby so I could control everything.

But he's said writing the book had wrung him dry and that it was time for someone else to carry the torch and follow through with their vision.

Hopefully I'll get the chance to have another conversation with Markus. He's a true inspiration and made sure he signed every person's book at the event - over four hours of signing! I'm just hoping some of his bestselling author juju rubbed off on me...